Frequently Asked Questions
An interview with Leslie…
Why do you specialize in Resilience Mentoring?
In short, I lacked the ability to attune to my 3 yo daughter. As a solo parent, my profound love for her lit an imperative fire inside of me and I was driven by an undeniable and ineffable force to discover and resolve my unresolved issues so that I could transform myself and my ecosystem.
Through my studies in positive psychology at the University of Pennsylvania, I learned that my unresolved trauma, and adaptations to that trauma, held me apart from the life I wanted.
Said simply, resolved trauma can be transformed into resilience. Unresolved trauma corrodes wellbeing.
What does resilience mean?
Resilience means to bounce back quickly after hardship. Imagine a palm tree bending to the ground then bouncing back up in the wake of hurricane-force winds. Life throws us hardship, resilience is our ability to fluidly and flexibly navigate them.
Human hardship is called trauma. Some of us experience trauma with a capital “T” and all of us experience daily, repetitive trauma with a little “t”.
For most women, these experiences accumulate and remain unresolved in their nervous system. In an attempt to avoid painful emotions, their brain buries the trauma and convinces us that numbing, avoiding, over achieving, success, perfecting, pleasing, or performing will solve their problems and ease their discomfort.
The result is a behavior adaptation that opposes your wellbeing, carried out in stealth, under the misguided belief that your new behavior keeps you safe.
Read about trauma and resulting adaptations here.
What is Resilience Mentoring?
Different than therapy or life-coaching, mentoring means I walk hand-in-hand with you through your ups and downs on your journey up your personal mountain until we reach your summit. My mentoring process does two things well:
(1) Brings adaptations, and resulting maladaptive beliefs and behaviors, out of the shadow and into the light of day.
(2) Integrates your central nervous system.
Together, united in your goal, we work with the unresolved little “t” traumas presently impacting your life to bring resolution and healing. By using the puzzle pieces of your present-day dissatisfaction, we piece together a picture of your past, and help you create a whole picture of a healthy future.
Rather than attempting to change behavior by focusing directly on the behavior, resilience mentoring will find the source of the adaptive behaviors.
Integrating the thoughts and emotions at the root of the behavior will bring about the change you seek.
Science has taught me that everything is more connected and complicated than first assumed. So we dive deep. Using the science of positive psychology and interpersonal neurobiology, we go inward to uncover your stealth adaptations, and emerge with a deeper self-understanding of the motivations driving your behaviors. Mentoring is a whole-body process – we work with your intellect, your body, your spirit, and your emotions.
Where were you trained?
My tools of science are generated from my training in positive psychology and interpersonal neurobiology at the University of Pennsylvania. I was trained as a life coach by Martha Beck. Life as a solo parent has, hands down, been my greatest training.
How are you different than other life coaches or therapists?
Unlike a series of 50-minute sessions, we dive deep then climb together to your personal summit. Mentorship is a long-term relationship, committed to your personal growth. We are united in one goal - to walk the hills and valleys side-by-side as you climb your mountain until you reach your summit. As your personal mentor, my resilience expertise allows me to listen deeply to your present-day dissatisfaction, then piece together a puzzle that shows your whole life picture. How? At Penn, I created a multilayer transformational process.
Read about my four-step process here.
What are your rates?
You will find my packages here.
How do I begin?
I’d love to meet you, and hear about your challenges and dreams. Please schedule a 30-minute Q&A with me here.
How do I know if I have behavior adaptations?
All humans have adapted their behaviors to meet their environment.
We are like plant seeds. Within each seed lies an embryo, a working blueprint of a beautiful life-giving plant, waiting to bloom. The hard coat that surrounds a seed, like a peach pit or walnut shell, mostly exists to prevent expansion until the elements are suited for its survival. When the timing is right, the embryo in a seed starts to grow -- it stretches out toward the light, blooming into the true nature that it assumed years ago.
Over the years, I have gently cracked dozens of outer shells, and yet the next day’s green never fails to amaze me. We were made to bloom. We simply need to be attended to with love, curiosity and compassion.
Read more here.
How do I know if Resilience Mentoring is right for me?
Do you feel stuck or confused? Are you postponing a life-change because of fear?
Are your relationships strained?
Do you frequently feel overwhelmed, guilty, exhausted, or that you can barely manage life day-to-day?
Have you noticed that your daily responsibilities do not align with your core values or big dreams?
Do you often hold yourself to unrealistic standards to be the best mother, sister, daughter, and friend?
Are you living in a time famine, feeling there is never enough for yourself or the people who matter most?
Do you perfect, please or perform to soothe anxiety?
Do you often experience self-doubt or self-loathing?
Do you view over-productivity as a badge of honor? Do you use your task list to avoid or numb?
Do you catch yourself saying, “I don’t know why I do ____, and I don’t know how to change that part of myself.”
Do you avoid confrontation? Or do you use control to manage yourself or others?
Do you find setting boundaries with others difficult?
Do you long to live your big dream but feel too paralyzed to move forward?
Do you shut out your emotions? Were you raised in an emotionally barren home?
Do you find yourself easily bored, and to assuage the restlessness move on quickly or bounce?
Has a chasm opened between your actual self and your desired self – between who you are and who you aspire to be?
Are you deeply disconnected from your own wellspring of joy?
Are you living disconnected to what is most essential and life-giving?
How do I know if I am a client fit?
You are a client fit if you answered yes to any of the questions above, and you have a deep desire for inner peace, healing and personal freedom.
Knowing the root of your discomfort is not a prerequisite. Mentoring begins with your symptoms today, then seeks to find and heal the systemic (the root) cause of your discomfort.
I shepherd you through your ups and downs, and in the process help you resolve the trauma, and stealth adaptations, that hinder your resilience.
What are the benefits of mentorship?
FREEDOM. Joy. Purpose.
A nervous system that is no longer reactive to its environment.
A clear understanding of your behavior adaptations.
Improved relationships with those who matter most - most significantly with yourself.
Radical self-acceptance and self-compassion.
A feeling of time affluence and universal benevolence.
No anxiety, shame, fear, or worry. These emotions will all be integrated.
Greater harmony among the different roles in your life.
Attunement to what matters most.
The ability to set clear boundaries.
Peace. Love. Meaning.
How much time should I plan to achieve results?
Naturally, you'll want to get the most of your personal investment. To do this, you’ll need to schedule time to reflect and grow each day. In short, clients average 10 hours per month engaging with me in conversation and with their mentorship manual. Your role is to give yourself the time, stillness and space to grow.
A former client shared her reflections with me as she shifted from a mindset of “work is my safety” to “I am my safety.”
How long will our mentorship last?
Some of my mentees exit the program after eight months. Many stay for more than a year. Repetition is not failure - ask the Moon, ask the wind, ask the Sun. Personal transformation is an organic process that originates from your pressing needs in the moment. What you need to learn arises exactly when you're ready. Just as the ocean's waves are in constant motion, your life provides a recurring sequence of teachable moments. Through mentorship you’ll ride the wave again and again until you learn what you need to know to integrate emotions and resolve trauma. Trust the process.
How do I know when I am ready for mentorship?
Do you feel lifeless, trapped, overwhelmed, anxious or fearful? These signals are the emotional eddy that precedes the swell of freedom. Confined against your own will, or confined by your own consent, you will feel a strong pull toward freedom, and a need for space to explore deep waters. Mentoring will give you the courage to break the water's surface and take your first breath of life.
How do I begin?
I’d love to meet you, and hear about your challenges and dreams. Please schedule a complimentary Q&A with me here.
If I live in San Francisco, can I coach with you in person?
I absolutely love meeting my mentees in person! Please reach out! I will meet you for tea and engage in a heartfelt conversation. However, the mentorship healing process is best facilitated over the phone. This allows my mentees the ability to drop into their mind-body with more ease because there are less visual distractions. This is also why I don't use video conferencing to coach. Coaching is an internal dialogue that is best accessed through the inner wisdom of your body. Distractions compete with the inner stillness and silence that can come when working over the phone.
What is your story? Why did you become a coach?
I am so glad you asked. We all have a story. Read about my story here.
Are you ready for freedom? Schedule a Q&A with Leslie here